Use Your Infidelity Surviving Skills : Recovery From An Emotional Affair

You discovered your partner was having an emotional affair — no sexual contact but still an affair. No sex means it’ll be easy to get over it, right? Wrong! An emotional affair can cause just as much damage as a physical affair can, if not more. So how do you pull yourself back up afterwards? Take the reins in your marriage and start driving in the right direction and you really can get to where you want to go.

Many people, particularly those who indulge in them, believe an emotional affair can do no harm because there is no sexual aspect to it. What they’re failing to realise is the fact they need to go outside your marriage to fill a perceived gap in your relationship is already an affair capable of crushing you and wrecking your marriage. They’re going behind your back and using someone else to fill this gap. In many cases an emotional affair can be more damaging because it’s no longer a matter of fulfilling a purely physical need.

Another insightful point about this theme. An emotional affair turns away from a simple friendship when it becomes secretive. Your partner can start to depend on the other lover to give them something they feel they’re missing. Why go to someone else? It may be this person has an interest in something which you do not but your partner does. Anything from poetry to petunias, angling to art, fast cars to philosophy — just something you do not share a common interest in but your partner may have a passion for it.

A friendship would keep all this in view. Say, for example, hubby loves baseball and you hate it. So hubby takes the odd afternoon to watch a game with a friend — what sex the friend is does not really matter at this stage. You know where he’s, you know who the friend is, you have the afternoon to do something YOU love. All is good. Nonetheless, when hubby tells you he’s at a meeting but instead goes to the baseball game with a friend (usually of the opposite sex) to watch a game and tell the friend how much they understand him and how little you do, now it is gone bad.

Now you have an affair and the road back is just the same as for any other affair. Now communication — good communication — is of paramount importance. Learn why you weren’t the person your partner chose to confide in. Did they think you were unavailable to them? What can you both do to change that? Or did they just take an easy way out? Does your relationship still have that vital spark, even if it’s hidden at the moment, or has it gone out forever?

Your spouse must understand the hurt they’ve caused you, unintentional though it may have been. They must understand there is no place in a committed relationship for this kind of secrecy. If they’ve an issue with some facet of your marriage then you should be the first person they talk to. For your part, make sure you listen. Keep control of your emotions and do not just react. Allow your brain to rule your heart and try to empathise — if you can put yourself in their shoes you might find things are a little different from their perspective. Life and relationships aren’t all black and white, sometimes compromises must be made by both sides for a relationship to grow and flourish and not whither away in animosity.

Remember, you’re not just husband and wife you’re also (more importantly) best friends. Take the time to practice being best friends and bring the romance and excitement back into your marriage and you’ll find the ability to confide in each other will overtake the desire to go outside of your relationship. If you cannot be best friends then perhaps a bigger decision about your future together must be made.

An emotional affair can be a savage blow but it doesn’t automatically mean the end of your relationship. If you’re both prepared to shed the secrecy and communicate openly and honestly with each other then you have the foundation for a magic and long lasting future. Be each others best friend and share the future together.

For more information about recovery from emotional affair click here or visit Tim’s website at http://www.cheating-affairs.com and sign up for a FREE e-course emailed directly to you.

Tim Tindale is a relationship authority with over 30 years experience. He lives with his wife, Mandy, in tropical Far North Queensland, Australia. He takes pleasure in being able to help people put their relationships back on track.