How Depression Can Threaten Your Marriage
In my work through the years as a counselor, I have talked with many depressed individuals. I have also had personal experience with depression myself and know firsthand how debilitating it can be.
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Nearly everyone at some point in their life will be affected by depression–either their own or someone else’s, such as a spouse, parent, sibling, child, or friend. Just in the U.S. Alone, depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 Million adults in any given year.
Statistics show that only 20 percent of those who experience depression will receive an appropriate treatment plan. Many depressed individuals will be too embarrassed to seek help and will suffer in silence, sometimes for years.
This may very well be significant piece of this particular article. The effects of depression can negatively impact every aspect of a person’s life–marriage, home life, work, and friendships. And the burden of living with a depressed spouse can take a heavy toll on the quality of a marriage.
Untreated depression poses a very real threat to a marriage. Recent research indicates that when one spouse suffers from depression, the likelihood is increased that both spouses will have an unhappy marriage.
You should evaluate this short article with care, the situation and the answers have so many variations. This is because mental health and unhappy marriages are closely entwined. The harmful effects of depression aren’t limited to the depressed spouse but affect the partner, also
The depressed spouse will experience less happiness, satisfaction, and contentment in the marriage. In spite of this, the partner will struggle with handling the increased isolation and social withdrawal of the depressed spouse, the loss of emotional intimacy (and often sexual intimacy as well), and the prevalent negativity in the relationship.
When one spouse is depressed, the depression colors everything in the relationship. The depressed spouse sees the world through a darkened lens that limits his or her perspective. Any negative events are interpreted even more negatively, neutral events are also interpreted negatively, and the positive happenings are often overlooked.
It is as though depressed individuals have blinders on that keep them from seeing any positive, hopeful opportunities right in front of them. Even if they did see them, they would not have the energy to follow through.
The depressed spouse often loses interest in activities that used to bring pleasure and may experience fatigue and listlessness. There can be loss of sleep or sleeping too much; eating too much or too little; or problems focusing and concentrating.
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Feelings of love and sexual desire may become dulled or absent when an individual is depressed. The biggest danger when this happens is that the depressed spouse may erroneously conclude that this means he (or she) is no longer in love with the mate.
Many depressed individuals report that they feel detached from what is happening, as though they’re watching a movie. There can be a profound feeling of separation and isolation from others and a desire to avoid social contact. There can be feelings of sadness, hopelessness, dejection, and resignation. Or there can be feelings of irritation, agitation, anger, or emotional numbness.
Another danger to the marriage is that the partner of a depressed spouse can become depressed from the depressive atmosphere and energy in the relationship. Depression can be viewed as contagious when it creeps into a partner’s outlook, attitudes, moods, conversation, behaviors, and reactions. When this happens, both spouses may feel they’re helplessly sinking lower and lower into despair.
Blame and shame are involved in depression and can cause additional problems. If a spouse does not understand that the partner is depressed and not just lazy or uncooperative, she (or he) may blame the partner for things he cannot help at the time. This stirs up feelings of anger and resentment for the spouse.
The depressed spouse may be ashamed to admit that he (or she) cannot handle the depression herself and thus refuse to see a physician. This feeling of shame reflects the belief of numerous people about depression. They may feel that they should be able to just “snap out of it,” which is what family and friends may tell them, also.
Be sure to understand this particular blog post properly, the situation and the techniques have a multitude of variations. In one research study, fifty-four percent of people surveyed believed that depression is a personal weakness. In reality, depression has nothing to do with personal weakness or will power or character.
A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It is not just a case of the “blues” that a person can “get over.” Thus, common misunderstandings about depression can add to the problem.
The other useful detail relevant to this study. It is vital for both spouses to have a thorough understanding of depression–what it’s, what it’sn’t, what to expect, and what treatment options are recommended. It is also important to recognize that before marital problems can be effectively treated, the depression needs to be treated first. That means that the depressed spouse needs to see a physician or mental health professional for a depression assessment and treatment recommendations.
What can a spouse do when the depressed partner refuses to seek help? This is a common situation and there’s no one answer that fits all situations. It is important to get the depressed partner to the doctor or mental health professional, even if the spouse has to schedule the appointment, take off from work, and accompany the partner to the appointment.
Make sure you read this particular blog post thoroughly, the situation and the suggestions have a multitude of distinctions. Sometimes the parents or siblings of a resistant depressed spouse can be enlisted to encourage him (or her) to take action and seek treatment. At other times, a close friend or minister can help to convince a depressed spouse to consult with his physician or see a therapist.
Another strategy that a concerned partner can sometimes use is to send a confidential letter to the depressed spouse’s doctor, detailing the concerns and depressive symptoms observed. This only works when the depressed spouse has to see his (or her) physician for some other reason, such as a required annual physical, to get a prescription for medication, or on-going monitoring of some condition. The physician cannot respond to the partner’s letter due to confidentiality, but at least the information has been conveyed.
You need to study this extremely carefully, the matter and the solutions have a number differences. If all else fails, the partner can consult with a therapist herself (or himself) to get individualized recommendations on how to handle the situation. Together, they can create an appropriate plan of action while the therapist provides emotional support to the partner.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., Is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at HTTP://WWW.CONTROLLINGSPOUSE.COM She’s also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I do not love you anymore!” Which is available at HTTP://WWW.KEEPYOURMARRIAGE.COM, As well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine . Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nancy_Wasson
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Wife on couch watching Tv all day-bipolar/depression/marriag trouble? I’m completely at a loss on what to do? My wife was watching tv all night then ALL day in our bed, don’thing else ( not do a single household chore ) for months, so eigthy-five days ago I just got fed up and disconnected the tv. So she moved from the bed to the couch in front of the tv in the living room. Since them she has slept maybe two nights in our bed, the rest of the time on the couch. During the day she just continues to sit in front of the tv. I keep threatening divorce to get her to take action but that’s not helping and I’m at wits end! She doesn’t say anything most days , is in “her own world”, for the last month has started picking her face and head and has marks all over her face now ( i keep telling her to stop picking but that just makes her angry ). No sex for months – she has no sex drive – she never initiates sex. This has been going on for almost two -3 years. I just can't continue like this. On top of it she’s still breast feeding our two yr old….ON The couch! She has all the symptoms of bipolar disorder from what I’ve read. I’ve tried to get her to go to doctor but she basically won't do anything – the house is such a mess (I’ve to clean upnafter her, make food, watch the kids and work! ). – All of this is affecting my ability to work and it was do bad I had to take a leave of absence. I’ve kids and don't want to divorce – and I still love her in my heart – but can't help her it seems. She may need medication but neither her or I want that. She says she just wants to relax in front of the tv. Everytime we talk about it she says she’ll try but that lasts just one day. She also goes through spending sprees once a month – i believe this is all hormonal and the mood swings are linked with her period. Also some crazy talk once a month and visions if granduor and changing the world – also sudden spurts of Facebook (trying to connect with everyone and their mother) then suddenly no use for weeks and I get calls from her friends asking if she’s still alive. I’m angry at myself for the way I’ve started talking to her and that my kids have to see this- i keep moaning about her getting off the couch, getting dome excercise, cleaning up after herself, helping with the kids, etc. Etc. Etc. – But I’m so frustrated. Friends have suggested counseling and I think if it’ll resolve this we should do it but it’s costly. Don't know where to begin – on top of that we’ve a child with special needs that’s contributing to this. I think I need help – all our family is out of state so we’ve no help. What can I do.
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Think like a marine. No marine is left behind. EVER Theatening her with anything like abandonment during a major mental illness will cause worsened symptoms. Take absolute control with kindness. Stop all negative interactions. Be firm about her getting professional help. A doctor's appointment is the number one priority. You must man up and drive her to the appointment and talk to the doctor personally.
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Your wife sounds severely depressed. As much as neither of you want it, you basically have no choice but to have her put on meds. This won’t resolve itself on it's own. It’ll only get worse if left untreated. As for counseling, you absolutely NEED to go. As for the cost, all you have to do is tell them that money is tight but you and your wife are in desperate need of help. Most offices will set up some sort of payment plan, or even offer to lower the cost across the board if you pay in cash the day of services. All you have to do is tell them and ask if they can help. Good luck.
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You need to for your sake and your kids sake, go to your local gp surgery and request a house call and explain the situation to your doctor, he should understand and be able to talk your wife about her feelings, if it doesn't work, at least its a start to improving your life and hers. I understand your frustrated and fed up but stick by her and work it out. Maybe shes finding it hard to cope with her 2 year old? Has she maybe had post natal depression for the best 2 yrs? Because u said its been happening for about 2-3 years. That fits in from the time your two year old was born. Good Luck and stay strong x
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Get her off those Meds…..BEFORE Her brain go. Most bipolar meds are unsafe. She’ll have mood swings off the meds. But she’ll have great days where nothing will bother her and she’ll be laughing again and being more like who you met. I’m bipolar too. You need to keep in mind and read a lot about the condition. You’re going to have to try to be a lover, a counselor and a best friend. It's not her fault and it's not yours. You’re going to have to way out of your way to make her feel loved wanted and excepted.THEN You can try working in a part time job later. Remember you married her for better or for worse. Right now it's a worse. But it can be way better and will. You can do so much for her. But the meds have to go.DO Some research on the meds. You’ll be pissed when you truly research them.THEY’LL Take about six wks. To get off of. And about another four after that to get back to square 1. Try to help with house work,plan a picnic with the kids and her. And in about a three wks after the first picnic. Plan another with her alone. Make her feel loved and desired. Yelling and complaining just make her get made,yell back and say hurtful things. Things she or you don't even mean. But they do scare the relationship. And she does need you. If you piss her off to long on those meds. She’ll become bitchy and very destructive. Only with love and patience will you when her back. The meds could make her schizophrenic after time. Get her off those Meds….
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Start by taking her to a regular family doctor and if there is nothing wrong physicalyl then he can refer her to a psychiatrist but ti doesn’t sound like Bipolar at all. It could be something as simple as hypothyroidism….. I can’t believe you have let it go this long. If she won't do it then you make the appointment and you take her there but she needs to go see a doctor.
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Sounds like she has a major depression or baby blues. IT happens sometimes to women who had their baby and their baby blues don't go away. She need to take her meds and counseling. I’ve had the same problem and i'm trying to work it little by little. My husband is keeping me positive so telling her you want divorce just makes it worse. You told she still breast fed and yes this can also cause hormonal changes. During depression seems like she doesn't feel love lighten her up again that's what my husband does and it helps a little. Things might go to worse if you just leave her like that. Can cause her life
How can I make a marriage work when depression is involved? | Ask … Background: we are both in our early 30s, together about two years. … It is been my experience that periods of depression can make any … I do not …
How do I keep my depression from ruining my marriage? Yeah- I’ve an appointment with a therapist on Friday…… I've suffered from depression (clinically) since 18. I've been on wellbutrin for about nine years and it's been a lifesaver, however over the past 1.5 Years or so I'm getting worse. Unfortunately, my wife has to deal with this and all that comes with it. Lately I'm so anxious and afraid of losing her that i'm self-sabatoging our relationship. I love her so much i hate to hurt her. Quite frankly, her life sucks becuase of me. I don't know….DON'T Really need an answer I'm just so sorry i'm putting her through this. It's just so f'n hard to “suck it up” and emerge from this.
Marriage and Depression | Dr Shock MD PhD. Somewhere along the way we’ve lost our friendship and our love, and our lust for one another. My depression has really been hard on him.
You possibly may need to go on another medication because your tolerance level has been build up on the Wellbutrin. I don't understand why your marriage is in trouble because of the depression through because you’re on medication you should be as normal as ever, if you also got counselling when you began this. There may be other things going on, but using the depression as an excuse is not right or the answer. Glad you’re going to a therapist, but it should be a marriage counsellor for both of you as well. It’s never just about one person and I would hate to think you’re taking full responsibility for the’ssues that involve both of you…. Did you get some counselling when you began medication? Just taking meds aren’t the answer by itself as the underlying reasons always need to be addressed. Hope all goes well and works out for you both. Take care.