7 Ways to Save Your Marriage Especially If you are Over seventy
My wife and I, both above seventy with over twenty years invested in our marriage relationship, have found a level of intimacy, love and respect far above what we experienced at the beginning. I just want to tell you what we’ve discovered about how surprise and humor become allies when sexual intimacy begins to fade. Not that sex is out of the picture, but we’ve to brush the cobwebs off of “urge and desire” just to celebrate once a month.
In order to battle the marital problem of the fading off of sexual intimacy with age and physical changes in our bodies, most people ultimately replace it with something else. Such alternatives as increasing social life, working harder in jobs, traveling, avoiding the same bedtime, using the other bathroom, and privately occupying time with TV, reading, hobbies, and dozing off in the chair we did partake of, to some unsatisfactory degree.
In addition, what started out as crazy antics to get attention from each other, or maybe just to combat the’solation we put ourselves into, is what turned out to be a total and complete climate change that Al Gore would be proud of.
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Funny antics and occasional pleasant small surprises popping up at unusual times created an environment of anticipation, expectation, and “what in hell is he going to do next.” No, not embarrassing things, at least to a spouse with an open mind to humor.
Then, I started to do the same kind of things back-like it is my turn in the game.
Imagine these real bits of memorable antics:
1. She is already out of bed and I heard the shower running, as I continued to doze in bed. Our hardwood floors creak a bit so I know when she’s coming back to get dressed. Out of the corner of my sleepy eyes I see a nude chubby man wildly dancing around waving his arms in total silence at the end of the bed–seeing myself in the full length mirror. It was all I could do to fight back the laughter and failed. I had never done that one before. Besides, I’m never a person to show-off, go wild, or dance.
2. She woke up on her birthday last year and found a note on the table where I had written, “Sorry, I just did not have time to get you a birthday card.” I left a dozen XXXXX’s and OOOOO’s at the bottom with a lipstick kiss imprint on it. She went about her usual morning and daily stuff happy with my note and message. During the next twenty-four hours she kept stumbling upon another birthday card.
I put them in a spot where she would eventually find all 7 of them that I had hidden. One scotch taped to the bottom of the toilet seat lid. Another in her large dictionary she uses while writing, and etc. All our holiday cards are humorous ones, rarely serious ones. I could tell when she had found another one, never told her how many I had hidden, because I could hear another laugh in the other part of our home. It took her 7 days to find them all. I finally told her when she had them all.
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3. On one of my birthdays several years ago I found a 3 foot square box on the coffee table all covered in wrapping paper, ribbons, and a birthday card on top. When I opened the box, there were small presents equal to the number of my age at the time. Each one was separately wrapped in fancy paper and none were the same.
For 6 months previously she had been collecting small collectibles secretly, that add to my collection that I have had for years. It was unusual, very personal, very satisfying, and a persistent effort on her part to do it. Did it tell me something about our marriage life? You bet.
4. She does most of our grocery shopping because I am disabled with arthritis. Almost every time she goes grocery shopping she brings home a small inexpensive present for me that’s something I’ve in some way indicated to her a need for. Sometimes it is a cherry pie or red vines that I always enjoy. It tells me she thinks about me a lot, and often. It is good marriage advice.
5. I often take an afternoon nap between my morning and afternoon household chores. My wife seems to walk bye me near the end of my nap in the lounge chair to see if I am awake yet, get herself a drink out of the refrigerator, or is headed to the bathroom for some reason. If I give any inclination that I am not asleep, she immediately gives me some sort of variation of a wave of the hand like a person who’s signing to another deaf individual just to see how I respond. Occasionally scattered in among those hand gesture trips past my chair, when the mood hits her right, she gives me a quick BA to brighten my day and is part of marriage life the neighbors never see, but probably also do.
6. We’ve no animals of our own. That being said, I feed the stray cats in the neighborhood and this act of animal kindness turns out to create an open door policy as a vacationland for all stray cats other neighbors seem to neglect. Sudden litters of kittens show up with their mothers for mealtime. My wife shoos them away in the front yard, while I pet them in the back yard, if they will let me. My wife has over the last few years given up the shooing and helps me feed the cats simply because I enjoy their frolics and company. I never ordered her to change her mind, nor made any effort to change her ways. It is obvious to me that she cares about what pleases me-no need for marriage counseling.
We should go forward with this short post. 7. One of his greatest pleasures, barring a few of the obvious ones, is to have a long back scratch. The sensual process of doing that makes her deep breathe and moan even more than sex does. After one of those “scratches” I know that I can get away with most everything for a week at least without her objecting. I never read that in the book of marriage requirements, but it’s an impressive means of saving a marriage, if the need be.
Regardless of the Viagra generation complaints, you might try some of these marriage communication tactics and make each other laugh a little, feel the new closeness that results, and notice you may laugh your way to a better marriage. Your creativeness might just surprise and eliminate the “divorce fairy.”
You should examine this short article with great care, the problem and the fixes have a bunch of versions. The author, Curt Graham, a physician and entrepreneur, has published articles for over 2 decades on various topics related to healthcare and medical practice. He’s an expert in marketing, business, copywriting, communications and coaching.WE Welcome the opportunity to help anyone who’s motivated to improve their relationships no matter what your circumstances are. Click here now HTTP://WWW.HEALTHCARE-TOOLBOX.COMYOU’RE Welcome to share this information with any who may benefit from the contents, as long as the article is not changed and the bio remains intact. Copyright 2004-2010, Curt Graham, M.D., L & C Internet Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Curtis_Graham
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15 Responses to “7 Ways to Save Your Marriage Especially If you are Over seventy”
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Can i save my marriage at any cost ?I Just want a complete family.? I stayin diff city from last three years with his uncle aunti (who was guardian after his parents expired)and financially supporting them and doing a reputed job…ON The other part he search for bad company in every city he works he drinks alot , spend whole money, he like hunting animal and even use girls…. In his office everyone knew all this even he himself tell this and feel proud to declare this in front of everyone…EVEN Sometimes he inform himself about some of his bad deeds to me… I silently listen just because i think he atleast tell me everything…BUT He tell me just few things and hide many.RECENTLY I came to know that my maid had given birth to his child.WE’VE A four year old daugter too my mistake is i decide to join my job in diff city…BECOZ He mad my life hell as he came drunk daily late night when my baby was just six month old. I tolerate this for 6 month and then got good opprtunity else where and so i moved. He actually earn lesser than me and little less qualified than me.NOW He’s always short of money and frequently take loans and even hide it from me..I Never showed him that i know about his character and i don't show this becoz I’m scared of he becoming shameless and do all this openly . In front of each other we pretend we’re perfect.. Our common friends who informed me all this says he take care of me and scared of me and can change only if i i play role of his mother and oppose his wrong habits strongly(not my nature) which is possible only when i stay with him CAN THIS REALLY WORK IN MY CASE 1)should i leave my job and stay with him to put him on right track by act like a strict mother 2)leave him and start a new life with my daughter(I’m scared of goodwill loss of my parents) 3)tell his guardian and him i know everything about him and ask him to choose either all these or me.
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I would suggest just leave your job and stay with him. You don’t really need to be like a strict mother, just tell him that you know everything and can tell it to others also. You have to adjust to some things even though these are bad habits of him because you want to save your family. In india, this happens every where, you both have to adjust to some extent… Thats the life. Come home and face the challenges of life, its ur life…… Best wishes, bye.
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To save your marriage you do the steps as follows: 1- Leave your job and stay with him……… 3- Tell his guardian and him…………. 2- Leave him…………..
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This is not a case worth answering You know the answers
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It would be better to tell him the situation you’re facing presently. Be bold and explain him the position in clear world. Talk to his parents and tell them about his activities.FIRST Of all try to mend his activites and if he’s not interest to mend his life lefet,him stay alone with your daughter.
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Just stay in your current city. Worry about about your current job, your daughter and yourself. Let him know you know everything and you no longer want to be a part of it. Move on. I know it can be hard, but its the right thing. He had a baby with your maid for crying out loud. He’s not worth it any longer. Good luck! Can you answer mine? ;
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I can understand your emotions very well – your urge to save your family at any cost. But the cost may be much more than even your wildest expectations. Still it may be worth giving a try because it has worked in most of the cases. I understand that you’re a well groomed woman who understands her dignity as well as the dignity of family. When you say that your husband is a bit less qualified and also earns less than you, it’s a very bold “admission” because you haven’t allowed these revealations feel you superior to him. It’s his misfortune that he fails to understand you and is running after false pride. Anyway, your decision to work in different city has certainly ignited the’ssue. Because these secrets are open secrets in our society. And now to get rid of all the hullabaloo on his back, he decided to show that he has not changed at all and thus he’s “Mr Right”. The one who’s wrong is none other but you. So the first thing that you should do is try to be in his city and live with him. This will give his false ego a satisfaction that he’s the winner. No question of leaving your job right now because leaving job will bring more serious problems to you which you can’t even imagine. Secondly, try to give him company with your daughter as far as possible. As you have said earlier that he pretends good behaviour in public. Since your daughter is small, you can manage giving him company of both of you. Thirdly, donot question him what he does, where he goes or like that. But always express it to him that you know everything but you donot care for it. See, this is very difficult to do what you would never like to do but since you’re committed to save your family, you have to do it. If he comes to know that you know about everything what he does and you still donot grumble, he’ll be compelled to think over his behaviour. You may call it GANDHIGIRI but mind it, Gandhigiri works ! (AND For both the genders). Your giving him company and your ignoring his faults shall improve the situation at least by seventy-five to eigthy %. Remaining things can be straightened up once he starts to confide to you. You see, feminine love, affection, compasson and even “love” has immense power within it. What you need is how do you utilise it. But all these things work out only and only f you have the deepest urge to save your marriage and family because only this urge will give you enough courage to bear all his so called “atrocities”. And finally, if in the process of all these if you could manage you family with only his income and be unable to find enough time for him, just do away with your job. But mind it ! Do it with his consent or at least his information. See, this will be like acting on his advice that you sacrifice your job for betterment of your family and also for him. This will certainly melt him enough so that you could feel him like a baby in your arms – just like a mother as your friends have suggested. See, how many mothers have been extra strict to their children ! With all the blessings, Ihope this work out nice for you and your family.
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I’m having marriage problems.? I fell in love with a plastic surgeon. He lives in Las Angeles and I lived in Virginia. I met him on a cruise . Now i moved in with him. We’re planning to get married. I’m from a middle class family and he’s from a high class family. Do you think my family and his family will get along. His mother is really clever and always really well put together and my mom is a simply lady. How do you think i should tell my family to act in front of his family. There is also a huge difference between the lifestyle and the house. My parents are coming to attend the wedding. Its a four day wedding and they’ll be staying at my house for a week or two. All i need to know is that will there be any problems and how should by parents act in front of them